The 2023 NFL season is about to kick off and I’m ready for the Dallas Cowboys and Dak Prescott to disappoint me one more time.
This time, however, I’ll be ready for it.
Instead of having the highest of expectations like in past seasons, I’ve already prepared myself for the inevitable: my favorite NFL team will fall short in spectacular fashion and will continue their impressive 20+-year run of mediocrity.
So, with that said, please indulge with me as I speak from the heart and say a few words to my favorite headache in the world, the Dallas Cowboys.
Dear Dallas,
Another season is upon us and I can already envision another typical season filled with letdowns and heartbreak – it’s what you do.
We all know your master plan of winding us fans up with a pretty good regular season, only to fall short of a meaningful playoff run, like clockwork. And just like other times, we’ll probably lose the 49ers again. Yeah, we’ll definitely lose to the 49ers again.
See, I know all of your tricks.
In the past, I would be so excited, nervous and anxious for a new NFL season to begin, but this year, I’m just chillin’ and enjoying the ride. Especially after the beautiful season Arsenal (and, to some extent, the Lakers) just had.
I just want you to know that my expectations are at an all-time low and that the unavoidable disappointment won’t mess me up this time around. I’ve grown up, thanks to your failure.
If I may, though, can I ask for one small favor? Show a little heart out there, yeah? At least take the field and give it your all each game and show that you kind of care. Please? For the reals ones that support you. Thanks.
Dear Dak,
Ahhh, Dak Prescott. The bane of my football enjoyment. The regular-season wonder. The reason why I dread watching the Cowboys come playoff time. The primary “star” player that stresses me out like no other.
Now, I know you will be mediocre like always – that’s a given – but please, Dak, I’m begging you, at least make it seem like you took this offseason to improve from your past mistakes. I’m not asking for prime Brady numbers or anything; I’m just asking you to show some signs of improvement and for you to back up what you say. You’re gonna make us pledge to
And please, for the love of all that is good, stop turning the ball over, so much especially when it matters most. We don’t need another Tony Romo 2.0. We just don’t. (Sorry, Tony. I’m actually a huge fan.)
You were once viewed as a potentially franchise-saving quarterback; now, you might not even be the best quarterback in our own division. I want you to kill it out there, but you make it seem like you will never be that guy. Sigh…
Also, watch your back this year, Dak. I heard there’s some new competition in town. 👀
So that’s it?
Yeah, pretty much. As I mentioned in the beginning, I’m going in with the lowest of expectations of all time, enjoying the season with the boys and seeing where things go from there.
I don’t know who will be crowned Super Bowl champs come February, but I do know that it will definitely not be the Dallas Cowboys. In the words of the great Charles Barkley, “I guaaaaranteeeee it!”
A Surprise Waiting to Happen?
Sorry, nope – it won’t happen. Not a chance. I won’t let the Cowboys infiltrate my head with false hope again, only to disappoint in like always. I just won’t have it…
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still be faithful and watch every Cowboys game – that’s what we fans do – but I won’t allow my fandom to distort my perception of the team this year.
So, dear Dallas Cowboys, thank you for hearing me rant and I’m ready for whatever comes my way. I’ve already eased myself into our inevitable downfall.
But dammit, I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t love to be proven wrong…
